The Real Fight Club

That ardent urge to break your boss's nose, to get on that TV set with a baseball bat, to run very fast, to burn a building. Well, this happens in movies alright. But... in real world you end up being the one with the broken nose. You want to kill someone, but you can't. You want to beat you dog, because it didn't stop barking, but you can't. You want to take shit on your boss's wife, you want to stop faking smiles, you want to sleep in office, you want to sit still, you want to kick some guy on the train on his balls and ask him to shut up, but you can't. All this, anger, pain and frustration - builds up and your head explodes into tiny pieces, soaked in blood. But... it doesn't. Really.

Its the human way of finding closure. Being able to keep sane and be what he really is. Fake things and give it a smile. Be the real himself someone where else. Break a bone, kill a bug, or twist his ankle or something like that. The human ability to create alter egos, exist in them. To become monsters and wake up with a puppy face. Its his very own Fight Club. You really fight.

It could be his bathroom or maybe taking a long drive or diving into music or some metal or maybe ranting on twitter or crushing a hundred paper sheets or cutting down trees or air punching or pulling out hair or chocking himself with a polythene bag or eating, eating a lot or bungee jumping or skydiving or shouting at his dog or kicking a ball or screaming alone or sleeping or writing something or crying or being alone. Well, everyone finds their Fight Club one way or the other. Something that makes them feel better, something that makes them smile again, something that they could hold on to, like friends, random strangers on the internet or talking trees or your imaginary friend or maybe your pet squirrel. This is the real Fight Club. But they don't tell anyone, not even you.

The first rule of Fight Club is,  you do not talk about Fight Club. ~ Tyler Durden

Moonlight Run

I kept running, It was dark, I could vaguely see a thing. I had been there, but had a faint memory of the whole place. I kept running. Finally, there was the gate. Its pretty high and had dogs on the other side. I threw a stone into the compound, away from the gate and the dogs ran after that. I climbed up on the fence which followed up to the balcony of the house. Its pretty a hard jump, but I could make it.

Luck is a strange act of probability. You see, there were so many houses around that place was first but then, finding the right room in that big Manson. Luck, whatever you call it. She was on her bed. The window was open, with curtains blowing out of them. The thing about this window, it was wide and big. I could easily crawl in. So, I got in and before that, I dropped some biscuits for the dogs on the other side of the balcony, just in case.

I'm pretty good at this. I got it without a noise and tied her down to the bed using the nylon thread I had in my backpack. I took her alarm clock and set it to 4:00am. Took one of her shoes and threw it away. I pasted the big mid-finger poster I drew in her room and locked her room from the inside and thew the key away. Then, I managed a half mustache on her face. Moonlight was happening then. Anyway, she looked peacefully beautiful. I kissed a goodbye and jumped off.

Wherein Lies Her Memories

Stories I've told of my friends comes right from them. You get them some booze and bribe, and voila! They get you these things, wonderful stories. But this doesn't belong there. Everything began when there was this confess-your-love round  in the middle of the University Exam preparations.Usually for most of us here, studying is a mass effort.. Combined study exactly, as no one will have the textbooks or the notes. So it all works on photocopies, self-enlightenment and creative writing. 

Well, this piece is about a man, dressed in the worst and finds no time to bath, 'cause he thinks a lot, really! For this story to happen, we need to jog back exactly 1.75 decades back, the days in the kindergarten, when everything seems to be green, sunny and chocolate. He met his little girl. She lived next door, went in the same school bus. Sat together, ate together.  They became friends and more, they went and came back to and fro for six long years. He felt happy. They loved holding hands. But when you expect everything to be this perfect, entropy happens. This guys gets a kick in his head, and the next thing he knows is that she moved. The best of his days were over. The depression, the pain. Well, not exactly, when you are in 4th grade, everything goes away with some more chocolates, a milkshake and cartoons. Life!

So, when you think everything's over that easy, think again. This so called life, gave him a second chance, something to hold on to. After around 10 years from then, one fine day, she came back to his life. Well, at least the news. She asked about him to his Mom. This became significant in the calculation as this was repeated and she wanted to see him. But as usual, Mom forgot all about this and yeah, life! 

He picked up his phone and it was her. She called to say hi and to invite him for her marriage. Some second chance. His mind was hard to explain, desperate efforts to see her. Nothing worked. So on the day of marriage, that didn't even work. He was late and everything was over. But life, oh yeah, after the twists and turns, he finally got to met her. Engulfed in silence and smiles, the meeting was short lived. Whatever happened was blemished into a deep darker parts of his cerebellum. Facial hair growth recorded an all time high and 4 was the total count of days that he 'forgot' to bath. Life moved on, somehow.

Well, I don't know if this is a love story. But this, a requiem for her memories, the not so forgotten ones.

The Murderer Who Lived Among Us

What don't you have these days?, the whole world just a Google away, flashy iPhones, "awesome" police force, people cracking the origin of the universe. Amidst all that, someone among us got away with a nearly perfect crime. Something done with the precision of a diamond cutter - what is really an art. But the catch is that he got away with it - just that easily.

She - cheerful girl, jack-of-all-trades, smiles good. He was the most perfect guy in the class - Prince Charming, Class Topper and a guitar personality. And like in all usual Bollywood romances she fell for him. All this happened back in 11th grade. An year passed by. It happens to be so that she was madly falling for him and he was a monster in the making.

Scene 1

The day started with a phone call. She was desperate and restless and wanted to talk He asked her to come to the school. The place was empty as it was a Saturday. He took off in his bike and drove along the market place grabbing somethings. They met at the school entrance. Perfect day, he thought.

Scene 2

He asked her to come with him to the top of the school tower so that no one would see them. Unsuspectingly she walks with him. She could not control her emotions. Tears broke out as she told him that her marriage was being fix and would be engaged soon. Shocked, he thinks for sometime. Before he could stop thinking, she gave him the shivers. "I'm pregnant"-she said. P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T the words were like being told in slow-motion. The words took forever. He felt numb and deaf. Suddenly he talks and tell her that he needs more time, more time to think, "...its just 12th grade you know, I'm not ready for this". She had been crying since they climbed up the ladder. She refused. Cries became louder. In a split, he pushed her, down the 3-storied building.

Scene 3

She went down like a lead balloon. Crraaasssh!!! It sounded like she landed on a car. Beep-beep-beep the car alarm burglar alarm sound. His heart was pounding like its was going to rip down his cage and come out. Quick, he thought, climbed down the ladder with 3x speed. Took his biked with was tactically parked at a distance and drove back home. Just another day at the store. He hugged his mother and gave the groceries.

Scene 4

The sound of ambulance, impregnated the school premises. 3 days, she lay like the dead, doctors running in circles making prescriptions. She woke-up the fourth day. Like in a dream, she stared at everyone. She's lost it. She doesn't remember a thing. Not her name, not her school, her parents, and lucky not even him and the incident. She broke her elbow, multiple fractures  in both legs, injured jaw -  she was saved as she landed on that car. Luck did not all ditch her.

Finale

She is in a wheel chair pondering who she is? He parents takes care of her, still wondering why she jumped of the building. Her marriage was all doomed and their child, schooling - all took a big U turn.

He, topped his school, took the engineering entrance and studies happily back in Kerala.He trashed her and her memories, just like that. He still walks, sings, and laughs around us,  walks among us, quiet unnoticed and masked behind his true dark self.

No crime is perfect. It leaves trails behind, its natures rule. This story is written based on the experiences of a security who was at the school, that day. But no one believes him, 'cause he was the perfect little murderer.

Complex Thoughts Of A Sleepless Mind

Still playing songs on shuffle mode. The battery never is gonna run out, I've plugged the mobile in.

I wonder how great this mobile thing is, you can talk, its wireless, camera, music, internet - twitter and what not! I rather wonder what the hell is this human brain. Awesome thing, it always makes me go crazy next to Christopher Nolan's films and food. They say they are gonna build a brain out of microprocessors. Hmm.. I wonder when I can buy a robo maid with a brain. Pretty cool. Well still its the human brain that actually makes this brain. So how can this be a brain - brain?

Umm. why am I thinking of all these totally random shit? I must sleep! It's already so late.

All this started with her. Think about her makes me like some insomniac.

Insomniac, hmm.. maybe that should be my new twitter handle. Half of they guys over here doesn't have a clue what twitter is. Maybe I should write an article about that or not, no one wants to read all that. Guess what?, if some girl writes it, probably everyone would be running around that, making all the fuss. I hate girls sometimes! Wonder what kind of complex creatures they are. Hard to understand they say. I wonder why!?


* beep beep beep* message alert, song pauses. Damn! who's messaging me at this hour? Damn freaks, don't they ever sleep. [Phone in silent mode - seamless music continues]


I like this song, suits my mood,

She seemed dressed in all of me,
stretched across my shame.
All the torments and the pain,
leak through and covered me.
I'd do anything to have her to myself,
just to have her for myself.
Now I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to do
When she makes me sad...

Why do they makes songs like this, sob sob I makes me feel sad again.


Know what?, I feel like I'm talking to 3 people right now, real me , my conscious and the other me :-O ? Well its funny sometimes when you have like a couple of different conscious-es :P Well when the next leave? I feel like sleeping whole day, some Insomniac - right!


Oh! I have classes tomorrow , damn. Lectures, theories are so boring these days, I feel like sleeping when I see their faces. Oh sleep zzZZzzzZZZZzzz

and I fell asleep, still the music shuffles.

My Big Fat Love Story

Ok, after much serious sessions of complex exchanges between my inner self - about the repercussions of this post, I actually made up my mind about this. I never thought this would happen to me - ever. Average little girl. They say love happens unknowingly. True, very much.

Is this feeling really called love? Something tingles your stomach when you think about her. You could sacrifice sleep, just to lay down and think about her. Felt like I live only just to see her. Why do someone like me, feel crazy for a girl that I've hardly even seen? This was a very strange feeling, something new and weird but I liked it. But nothing works out as in fairy tales. So many 'but' in this story.

I felt cornered from this world - alone, though I'm surrounded. When she talks to the whole world, I wished if she just smile at me. I felt alienated. I couldn't sleep. Music was my only hope. I wish I just could forget her and undo all these. But I could not stop thinking about her. Time is a strange concept, a doctor, a psychiatrist, a cure. It heals. But always, she will remain as my first crush.

Life was all about

Life was about love and hope. Life was about pancakes and butter.
Life was about sleeping and free food. Life was about rock music and black shirts.
Life was about ice-creams and chewing gum. Life was about cars and bicycle pedals.
Life was about rock-paper-scissors. Life was about Pepsi and pizza.
Life was about tubeless tyres and woofers. Life was about i-pods and jukeboxes.
Life was about Google and e books.
Life was about late night movies and attendance shortages.
Life was about music concerts and bus rides. Life was about twitter and dancing.
Life was about dumb jokes and murmurs. Life was about tattoos and vinyls.
Life was about red and blue. Life was about seasons and snacks.
Life was about places and dreams. Life was about home and puppies.
Life was about emails and post cards. Life was about coffee and honey.
Life was about push-ups and running late. Life was all about what life is.
Life was all out of control. Life was making me go its way. Life was fun. It still is.

Letter in Blood

This girl was one of the popular one in class, you could actually say, school too for so many reasons. All rounder maybe. And it was in 9th, when everything started. Everyone suddenly looked gorgeous. You know that feeling when, love is in the air. Anyway, there were three guys who were after this girl. And the day came when she knew about all these three, were in love and agreed to choose between them.

One of the contestant in the Swayamvara, a close friend, thought of expressing his love for her. Hormones maybe, anyway he managed to get this girls handkerchief and decided to write I Love You - in blood! Cool, everyone thought. So it began. We took a pin and pierced his fingers one by one...That wasn't easy you see. He didn't have so much blood. We could only complete the I and half of love with that. And came the next machine of pain, an old Gillette Blade. It was pain all right but no blood, that left lots of scars on his hand.

Oh, we were running out of time. So we had a secret plan, then someone took a geometry compass and punched one of the spectator. Blood, lots of blood. So we could happily complete the task. So it was completed. The great words in blood. Also, that poor guys blood was all over the place and that added beauty to the letter with splats and funky designs.

So after the school hours, he showed this to the girl. She stared for a second and walked away. Never realised that it was written in blood.

The next day she chose one of the other guys.

Damn! I'm Gonna Be Dead

Damn! I'm Gonna Be Dead, I was drowned in blood. The car, I know this car. Its that car. My God, they found me. I saw the dagger which shove in the light. He walked towards me. This is it. This is the end. Are they going to kill me?


It was a Saturday, after a long gone week, I sat off to relax to find some rain. Ha! rain at last. It wasn't for long. It was a good short spell of rain. I backed on my camera and started off on my mom's Honda Activa. Clicking photos was fun when it rains, especially when the sun is on. The sun was already going to set. I heard a faint noise from the nearby place. I still remember that place. The wall had the election campaign on. The voices grew louder. It sounded like two of them, bullying someone. Something was indeed fishy about that. I kept the scooter near to the wall. There was a big mango tree near to that on the other side of the wall. I stood on the scooter a looked, standing comfortably behind the mango tree.

Holy Fish, someone was lying on the ground being beaten up. I could see blood. Quick thinking, I turned my camera on and took a photo. Damn, auto flash was on. In the scurry, I forgot to turn off the flash and the light was low. They should at me, and called someone. "Damn it! damn it!", I could hear my heart, pounding, - "Am I going to get a heart attack?". Gave the accelerator to the maximum. Took a shortcut, to keep off the track. Took all the random routes to home. Oh great, it was running out of fuel too. Took a left and went to the fuel station and got some refilling done. On the return path, I took the unusual routes to home. Finally,.... home. Sweet!

I could not stop thinking about that. I fell asleep on the bed. Time passed by, gradually I forgot that incident, and the photo did not reveal anything. It was all blurred and dark. The flash never helped too. What but I kept that photo for some reason. Rubbish stuff like that fill half of my Hard disk. Whatever.

Its been sometime, I was back with my life. Friday, a friend of mine rang up and we decided on a movie. On the way back, I dropped him near his house and started my ride back home. Something was really strange. I had a feeling of being followed. It was an MUV. Couldn't see anything else because of the light. I was getting scared. They were actually following me! But why me? I tried losing them, but still there were on trail.

Craaaassssshhh! The next thing I remember is that I'm lying on the road. I blacked out for a second. The car was parked in front of me. Damn! I'm Gonna Be Dead -I thought. I was feeling cold. I was drowned in blood. The car, I know this car. It's that car. The vinyl, its their car , that day, I took that photo. It had this strange face like vinyl on its sides. My God, the found me. How did they know it was me? Someone walked towards me. It was all dark. The light from the car was too bright. But still I could see the dagger it. shove in the light. He walked towards me. This is it. This is the end. Are the going to kill me? I got so scared. I couldn't think. I couldn't even scream. My head, it was so heavy.

Suddenly, out of the ordinary, I came back to my senses. Holy shit! What the hell am I doing here? Oh no! I'm sleeping in the bathroom? :-O ??

The boy who loved

He was waiting at the bus stop for the next bus involved in some natural talents like birdwatching and sight seeing around the place. Being a Saturday morning had many girls ready to go for those awful tuition classes, mostly everyone when by the bus. Anyways, as a matter of fact He was going for the same thing too. It was a day that was going to change his life for ever.His eyes were glued on this girl, gazing, like she came beyond this planet. And this guy could be called an eye-a-holic even. As he watched by, she got in the next bus.


Love lasts so long because we are gradually learning more and more about the initial personality that one fell in love with at first sight. He was determined to get what he wanted. Couldn't wait for the sun the next day! Came to the bus stop to find her. They say that, Patience is not only a virtue, but an acquired trait. Still could be even his instinct to wait for someone for so long. She came in pink. He couldn't resist asking her name. But still his mind said no. Carp!

A week passed on its own. Next saturday, he came with a friend. And then it happened. She was a friend of his friend's friend. Damn connections that makes life easier or maybe just his luck. That made things easier. He came to know her name. He phone number even. And finally called her. He even managed to get a photo of her from his friend.

Then it happened. College, he got admission for engineering and she was going to pursue degree. Even he thought of joining her college, just for her. He did even give the admission forms to join that college to her. But fate, changed it all. And the fact that she was Muslim, seized his dream run. Everything was limited to just seldom phone calls and dreams and love songs, normally Oru Venal Puzhayil...from the Malayalam movie Pranayakalam, 'cause he believed that it resembled his life!

Once Charlie Chaplin said, "Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even your worries". I always feel that's so true. Times changed, the race against the syllabus had less time for his emotions.

It spread like the swine flu in our hostel rooms. His love was going to get married!

Married? Yeah, she is going to get married, its fixed. - he said.

He smiled. He left. I knew his heart. Following days, he seemed happy and normal. True love is hard to leave behind. Still its not all going in your favour. Her marriage was a couple of days ago.

Once Charlie Chaplin said, "Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even your worries".

This is not my story. It's my friends. His love. I think I shouldn't reveal who. Anyway, I'm writing for him. True love is hard to leave behind.

If I were that kite

I saw a kite flying by, so high that its just like a spot, though u could make it out as a kite. They are so free, flying high, nothing to fear. Being a predator is a damn easy job. What's so special, you hunt and get your prey. Being a kite will be fun, I guess - flying over the redeeming lands, traverse mountains and skim over the oceans, still enjoying a fresh catch. What do you u have to fear? I could have unlearned this worldly things. Relinquish my pain. Forget my past. What do I have to worry about? No politics, no war, no riots. Fly over the blue seamless horizon. But, one day, all of a sudden the hunter pulled his trigger. Blast! I was falling down. Damn! I'm Dead. Life ain't that easy my boy, it isn't.

Change is good

When I walk this road again, I see an evident change. A positive change, people are changing for good. This new life gives me a hope of a better land. It's not all our fault, we are a generation raised by another wrong generation. Some of which had instilled the creepiest feelings into this young minds, making another work turn. It's not all our fault that we cripple upon corruption and that we are biased, we are raised like that. A generation raised by a wrong one. An old generation with an their ideas that were wise, maybe fair when they walked. Times changed, let people change for good. Shouldn't everyone realise something? They're happy with their life. Earns some job, owns a car, goes out and party. Everyone is happy with what they have, just like that. Slaves of this society, I say. Break free, have a fight, do something that you always wanted to do, try something different that makes you smile. Like that ad said, Reclaim your Life, just because we should change for good.

A bomb is made to explode, that's it's meaning, it's purpose, you're life is empty because you spend it trying to stop the bomb from becoming a bomb and for who, for what?. Do you know, what a bomb is that doesn't explode, its a cheap gold watch, just a cheap gold watch buddy!

Gimme a gun right now!

I'm sweating when I'm writing this, still the ceiling fan is on full speed. It's not about the heat, I dunno why. I had this feeling, a feeling that I can't explain. If someone hand me a gun right now, I'll go out and kill all those politicians and leaders who rule this nation. Kill them all, spare no one. Why? would you ask yourselves this question? Why? Why live in such a land where they live happily and have some lame excuse for all the happening. It's everyone's land, not theirs alone. They get to sit safely, we are the ones who suffer. Watch your loved ones vanish in some train accident or a riot or some terrorist attack. Still they don't do anything, do they?

You may have a kid to raise, a family to look after. I'm may be same after sometime. Excuses for not doing what i felt now for my motherland, this corrupted nation. Doesn't change a thing. Adjusts with this society, silently giving up.

So I say, hand me a gun right now!