Apocalypse

There are quite a few number of way to be the roulette ball that chooses what happens next in the alarming number of sequences intertwined into random utterings of subtle insults from someone living inside one's head. This is like telling me to forget what I already won't. At least for this lifetime.

All started with green, like most days. No one reads the warnings. I don't think there was one either. This however was meant to be. Like someday we would have gone there. There seems no legitimate reason, but exactly that might be the reason, a paradox written for me, flowing down with the hourglass' fine sand - the finest of all this earth.

I can still argue forever the reasons, build make-belief castles and snow cones and apple pies and hot sunny beaches to forget and be happy. But there is that safe-lock of memories from Inception, where that guy hides his darkness. No matter how hard you try, you come out different, like there is something less every time. You start trusting your ground, the one beneath the water because you felt it to be true, solid. It's not her fault, not really. There was this Moon's diurnal when I think about it. The one everyone usually forgets.

Following were some constant flashes of foam on top of saline and sand, people screaming which was like some Korean movie playing on mute. Yet, there was no tunnel and the whole light and then write a book kind of situation. What really happened was that everyday stuff and people saved another season, and I was just about in the middle. In the end, you feel purer, calmer, better, useful, mature, born. It is like cancelling the apocalypse, and then climbing to the head and shooting right between her eyes with the old sawed-off shotgun. This team did. 

The Watchmen

Hypothetical world has only one kind of job. To watch others. They change shifts, they switch places. One being watched becomes the one who is watching. They make records, logs. Then there are others, like a few hundred thousand billions, who support this enterprise. The ones who cook, the ones who manage and the ones who check. Then there are people. Like us. We are hidden. Living in darkness, under their cloud.

Forgotten, like we never even existed. Shutdown in this slum underneath. A world lit by the corporations that formed during the renaissance. They stand on our heads when people die. They die because of hunger and helplessness. They do not speak now. They do not cry either. They know their probable future and watch other eat the dead. Survival.

I see all this through this small hole I dug. I made it out of that place now! I can watch. I can watch everything. I can now.

Begin.

P.S: Read this in the voice of Tyler Durden.

Conversations Of Time And Bird: Part 1

I waited for hours under the hot sun, finding shadows to stand on, of busy commuters, looking at your windowpane. I stood there without a jacket on the cold winter nights. Seasons moved past. I grew old. I grew a gray beard. People didn't see me. Neither did you. I stood there, for the rest of my life.

Then you came down one day. The very next day. There was no more of the noises I could hear. Or the smells. I grew roots and branches. I grew plumage. But only mine was for food. I was being eaten. I was being sat on. But you didn't see me. I was just a tree.

- Sounds like your wife takes a long time to get ready.

Utopian Wonderland

Feeling like you are the only person in the world, like the rest of this place is made just for you. All that you see is a big setup, with intricate details, like the old huts, the LED tickers, all these commuters and vendors. The feeling of being detached, everything you see isn't what you thought it was. You lose track of reality and time, that something is quite not right. You realize and find everything to be strange, compelling to end this world in some way, like them taking over and burning everything down. That this whole thing was for you alone.

Spirals of white smoke and charred remains that makes you go places, to be there and to be never. You exist because of them, they are your life. You remove one by one, like you remove the bricks from your face, till that fades into thin air. You understand what it is to be wrong, when you thought it couldn't get any better. An explosia, a drum roll and voila. A dragon with no fire and a khaki-trousered-crazy. Where faint was a lifestyle, where you speak through veils and forget about the rest. And you thought this couldn't get any better? Right.

But this was strange enough, happening too fast that you don't even get time to take everything in. Constant, where there was no sense of mind. Or maybe this was what you were supposed to be. You find simple things to be the most fun. You find happiness and that alone. You forget that this world isn't real. You live inside that happiness, this small world, the simple one. Would you make this permanent?

Of Interweaved Parallel Realities and Coffee

Suddenly she was shouting in the class for something quite funny. I wasn't listening to her either. She was furious. Then it occurred to me. What if there was a parallel reality linked with everyone of us and these just met randomly when we interacted? What if everyone sees the same time-space continuum-world-paradox-inception-thing differently? It's not like you can get into their heads and see what they are seeing. I always wanted to do that,  to get inside someone else's head and see the world as they see it, to see if they are perceiving it the same way I do. 

Anyway, I was sunk low, dragged into this narrow vortex of white space, where people walked in a 3-dimensional bubble. She was still shouting at us, her reality affecting each of us, making new parallel realities, where this existed and did not. Like the group of girls that joined later, combining their realities, adding-subtracting from our parallels, from even my parallel understanding. 

Then I thought what if I didn't make that choice? What if I never did let him commit? What if she never shouted at everyone? There were so many parallel universes. And even the little choices people around us changed our reality, constantly, and transforming into newer combinations, never-ending combos, but all our realities linked - interweaved, like we didn't have a choice, like we were meager puppets. 

Then I thought I would let go. Let others take control of my reality. I walked with them. I didn't speak. I let them take control, chocking it. Then someone got me a coffee, but I paid for it. Coffee anyone?

And to Runaway

Since his beginning, man was that curious son who wandered around that great wilderness into the path of making. That guy, who lives inside almost everyone, forgotten and buried.

I sometimes feel like running away, without a reason, without telling anyone. Like the guy from Into the Wild, without anything to hold me back, without this never-passing dark cloud of burden, the chores and the monotone. Maybe not into the wild or to live in the mountains, but to be freed from all this fake emotions and noise, maybe never to return. To do whatever that I feel like, to not to answer to anyone, without liabilities and people to care for. 

To take that random bus and that last boat, to walk along the empty footbridge, to walk around the world in silence, without being noticed and called by my name. Runaway from this music, run faster from the existence. To hide among the crowd, to be that nomad. Being the camouflage, the homeless.

But how hard I try or decide, something holds me down. Something primitive - a fear inside. Fear that was the very definition of this life, that makes me do things. But running past everything? I don't know why, just being in the dark.

Two Full Moons

This place have been always so special. Watching what man had created till the end of what your eyes can see. The lights and the sun, hundreds of red lights blinking in the sky, the smoke and the trees.

It was a full moon the last time I was here. I was with her. We saw a wishing star that day. I wished I never met her. This place showed me how little and peaceful everything really was. They didn't give me much time to live, not even to smile.

Its a full moon today. I could see the darkness and the roads. Endless trail of red lights, the lone chopper flying over the highest buildings, the little campfires over the beach, the drop of the mountain sky. I saw everyone's life in mute. No screams, no horns, no more pain. Just me and this cold wind. I jumped down the cliff, into the clouds so serene. The embrace.

Almost Got Bit

This is very well an untrue story. Every character in this story is an imaginative experiment. This is a story.

Second year of college. This time when you suddenly feel the power to question and take up things that might end up screwing you in the wrong hole. Anyway, we used to live in a house we rented out near the college. Everyone was very much active in politics and stuff like that. One fine day, there was a party meeting, the one where the party dignitaries come and talk everyone into how awesome they do stuff and all. This meeting started off with a big procession and shouting slogans against the rival parties; party to be exact. The whole thing was a pointless blabber after that, the great comrades telling the greatness they are and how they won everyone independence. There was a talk about how the rivals are looking to attack everyone of this party, this was crazy as there was a warning even to be vigilant and precious.

The night followed. Some of the inmates chose to sleep; two to be exact. The rest of us decided to pay some seniors a visit to see how they are doing and of course there was caroms. After some finger-muscle twisting and flying Boric acid, we were returning. Instead of taking the longer main road, we walked along the shortcut. There were some houses behind the place we lived; three to be exact and the rest was a big ground and a community pond. The was a three way junction, were one way leads to the ground and the other way to the place where we live, beyond the three houses.

Half way around, we started seeing people walking towards us. They stopped near the turn, maybe because there were many of us; six to be exact. They were wearing black, possibly covered in some black paint or something, also wearing masks (no kidding, real masks, like old burglar masks). As we walked past them, they had axes, hammers and sticks in their hands. There was an awkward bit of silence. Everyone ran (read walked) past them quickly into the house. The last person, luckily a strong guy, strongest to be exact, saw one of those guys running towards the us and the door. He slammed the door and pushed it really hard. The door wasn't properly shut as his slippers got under it and the guy had his fingers between the door. What followed after that was a big 300 like shout (I honestly don't know why we shouted instead of screaming). Everyone was running haywire, locking  the back door, windows and trying to wake up the sleeping duo. The one of them sleeping never believed anything I said, and just thought we were shouting for fun. 

We overpowered the others pushing the door, the guy whose hand got stuck must have suffered gravely. Finally we managed to close the door after some serious pushing. They removed the bulbs from outside, we couldn't see anything through the windows. Suddenly there was glass shattering sound from everywhere. Then one guy broke the main window, pointing the sword like thing or a vadivaal inside. They could possible see everyone, we could see only the hand and the sword. It was rusty till the base and looked unused, like forever. That guy only spoke even, warned us and told that this was the last (of course after half a minute of endless swearing), and if either of us were involved in politics, they would end us. They were even specific about the names, two of us to be exact. They broke some more glass panes and ran away. The first thing we did was call the police. 

The next two hours went so fast, people came in, ran around; hearing the noise, there was even our land lord and his group of drinking buddies. They came so fast, like the switching scenes of a movie. The police came and took some pointless reports. We had a hard time making other folks in hostels believe that we were attacked by some lunatics as everyone we phoned thought we were playing some prank. Some finally even came over and stayed for the night. There was glass all around the place and everyone slept in the hallway.

Then, one of us was missing! No one remembered about him until then. He usually baths around midnight, the same time when this happened. "We are in deeper shit!!", we all thought, then suddenly, he came out from under the bed. Seems that, he was "hiding". He was apparently sleeping and (he says) he thought that all of this was some earthquake and went under the bed when he started to hear the glass fall. Also, he knows karate and stuff. The next day followed an, even bigger slogan shouting, and there was police all over the place. We managed to get everyone a reason to go wild. The was a local hartal and college was suspended for the day. And for the police, came to get more of that FIR. We never heard from them again.

When I think back, we had a few hard to sleep nights after that. And also a few long night discussions, about who could have done it. There were lots of rumors that followed too. I still think, many people had hand in this. The fags who lived around the college have always been trying to bully us students. Whatever the truth maybe, it ended in us paying for all the damages. Such an incident never happened after that (yet), there was routine police rounds around the college and surroundings after (till today). And the ruling party got a better image, makes me think if it was and inside job even. Politics, I say.

The Real Fight Club

That ardent urge to break your boss's nose, to get on that TV set with a baseball bat, to run very fast, to burn a building. Well, this happens in movies alright. But... in real world you end up being the one with the broken nose. You want to kill someone, but you can't. You want to beat you dog, because it didn't stop barking, but you can't. You want to take shit on your boss's wife, you want to stop faking smiles, you want to sleep in office, you want to sit still, you want to kick some guy on the train on his balls and ask him to shut up, but you can't. All this, anger, pain and frustration - builds up and your head explodes into tiny pieces, soaked in blood. But... it doesn't. Really.

Its the human way of finding closure. Being able to keep sane and be what he really is. Fake things and give it a smile. Be the real himself someone where else. Break a bone, kill a bug, or twist his ankle or something like that. The human ability to create alter egos, exist in them. To become monsters and wake up with a puppy face. Its his very own Fight Club. You really fight.

It could be his bathroom or maybe taking a long drive or diving into music or some metal or maybe ranting on twitter or crushing a hundred paper sheets or cutting down trees or air punching or pulling out hair or chocking himself with a polythene bag or eating, eating a lot or bungee jumping or skydiving or shouting at his dog or kicking a ball or screaming alone or sleeping or writing something or crying or being alone. Well, everyone finds their Fight Club one way or the other. Something that makes them feel better, something that makes them smile again, something that they could hold on to, like friends, random strangers on the internet or talking trees or your imaginary friend or maybe your pet squirrel. This is the real Fight Club. But they don't tell anyone, not even you.

The first rule of Fight Club is,  you do not talk about Fight Club. ~ Tyler Durden

Starship Bloopers

Hollywood movies were so exciting those days. This guy from school happened to have an Uncle who shipped him all sorts of movie CD's. It happened when we were in 9th. Thanks to our school, the last working day of every month is a half day. This happened to be one such day and what better to do that play football (Yeah, this is India and we call it Football and not Soccer, FYI).

So this CD guy got a new shipment and he gave a movie called the "Starship Troopers". Yay! Sci-fi movie!, we thought. So the plan was to meet at another friend's place, watch the movie, eat lunch and play some football. He kinda had a pretty big family living there. They cooked up some lunch and was waiting for us. So, we started the movie. Wonderful, action movie, we thought. We were served lunch with the pleasure of watching the movie.

More bugs, bombs, guns, grenades and killing. Dope!, we thought. We called in all his family, small kids, grand parents and cousins to enjoy the movie along with the lunch. There was a big crowd applauding to the bug killing (Well, this movie is actually about killing some giant alien bugs for living). Awesome atmosphere!, we thought.

Then, this guy and one another friend finished their lunch and went out to fill air in the football and he took the remote with him. While in the movie, they killed a big alien bug, I guess it was the alpha bug or something and the party began. Certain dialogue was the last thing I remember, "Go, enjoy boys!". Suddenly, the girl from the movie took her shirt off and was topless and started making out. That awkward moment. I stopped eating and was stoned. I got myself together and looked back. One guy was frantically searching for the remote, the guy behind me had a weird smile, most of the lady folk already left and this one guy was clinging outside the house by the window, watching. Two guys sitting in front of me never dared to look back and were enjoying everything.

The next few events took less than a minute. Everyone finished off their lunch and started playing football. Strange thing, I never knew we could eat this fast. We heard that dark things happened to the guy in the house. His mom also called up two other friends home and complained which was followed by some others getting grounded and all that. Luckily, I escaped without a scratch. Some family movie time that was My advice, never watch a movie with family. Btw, I dunno what happened to that CD. Really what happened to that CD?